Khwaja Masum Bellah Kausarey: Marriage is not just a social contract; it is an integrated form of mental, physical, and spiritual fulfillment. One of the fundamental pillars of conjugal life is sexual relations or physical intimacy. This intimacy is not merely a matter of pleasure; it is deeply connected with mental peace, physical health, family stability, and social health. The World Health Organization (WHO) in one of its reports stated—“Sexual health is fundamental to the overall health and well-being of individuals, couples and families.” (WHO, 2010). When a husband or wife seeks intimacy and the other rejects it for various reasons or creates obstacles, it directly affects the partner’s self-esteem, love, and mental health.
In 1999, psychologist Dr. John Gottman in his famous book wrote—“Emotional withdrawal and rejection in intimate moments are among the strongest predictors of divorce.” In other words, repeated refusal of sexual intimacy is one of the main causes of marital breakdown. This may result in the partner losing self-confidence, growing distance in the relationship, mental stress, and even, unknowingly, the risk of extramarital affairs.
Anthropologist Helen Fisher said—“Sex is not just recreation; it is a powerful bonding mechanism that cements trust and attachment.” That is, sex is not just physical satisfaction, it is the glue of trust and bonding between two people.
From the perspective of public health and family stability, sexual satisfaction is an important matter. A study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine (2007) revealed that couples satisfied with their sexual life suffer less from depression, anxiety, and risk of divorce. When marital relationships become unstable, it pushes the family towards disintegration. This hinders the mental development of children, increases insecurity and aggressive behavior in them. Therefore, sexual disharmony is not merely a personal issue but also a social and public health concern.
Sexologists point out that sexual relations should be based on mutual participation. However, often it is found that wives remain passively unresponsive, which many refer to mockingly as “dead-fish syndrome.”
Renowned sex therapist Dr. Ruth Westheimer stated—“The act of sex without enthusiasm becomes a mechanical duty, not an expression of love, and ultimately leaves both partners dissatisfied.” In other words, when sex becomes mere duty, it ceases to be an expression of love and becomes a source of suffering.
Psychological Misuse of Sex—Many couples refuse intimacy as a way of punishing their partners out of anger or resentment. This gradually destroys relationships. Dr. Gary Chapman in The 5 Love Languages wrote—“When intimacy is withheld as a weapon, the marriage bed becomes a court of punishment rather than a sanctuary of love.” That is, if sex is used as a weapon, the bedroom becomes a court of punishment instead of a haven of love.
Sex as a means of reconciliation—Intelligent couples use intimacy as a way to resolve conflict. A study published in Archives of Sexual Behavior (2016) stated—“Couples who maintain sexual intimacy even during conflict report faster reconciliation and stronger relationship resilience.” This means, even after conflicts, maintaining sexual intimacy strengthens the marital bond. During physical intimacy, the body releases oxytocin, known as the “bonding hormone,” which reduces anger, increases trust, and enhances self-confidence.
The importance of being lovers—In 2006, psychologist Esther Perel in her book The State of Affairs wrote—“Eroticism thrives not in duty, but in playful and active engagement.” The joy of sexuality comes through spontaneity and playfulness, not mere duty. When an active wife takes the initiative to caress her husband and brings novelty, the bond remains intact. A study in the Journal of Family Psychology (2018) found that mutual sexual exploration greatly enhances the happiness and prosperity of couples.
Sexual rights in religious and public health perspectives—In Islam, the importance of marital sexual rights has been explicitly emphasized. Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said—“In the sexual act of each of you there is charity.” (Sahih Muslim). This proves that fulfilling sexual needs between husband and wife is considered an act of worship. Similarly, WHO (2002) defined sexual rights as—“the possibility of having pleasurable and safe sexual experiences, free of coercion, discrimination, and violence.” Thus, sex is not the concern of only one partner; it is a mutual right, responsibility, and a vital safeguard of the self.
Strategies for maintaining conjugal intimacy—According to psychologists and sexologists, some effective measures are:
1. Emotional foreplay: Sending affectionate messages or kind words during the day. Dr. Laura Berman said—“Great sex begins long before the bedroom.” 2.Active participation: Expressing interest through touch, kissing, and words. 3. Bringing novelty: Breaking monotony by trying new positions or methods. 4. Aftercare: Remaining in affectionate embrace after intercourse.
5.Open communication: Talking about needs and limitations. 6.Sex as reconciliation: Resolving anger through intimacy rather than holding grudges.
Marital sexuality is not merely physical; it is intricately linked with mental peace, family stability, and social health. Refusal, passivity, or using it as punishment leads to breakdown in relationships and health complications. If such conditions persist, there may be risks of mental disorders, cancer, and other serious illnesses. On the contrary, love, active participation, and novelty keep couples bonded for life.
Sexologist Alfred Kinsey once said—“The only unnatural sex act is that which you cannot perform.” Therefore, sex is not a matter of shame; it is a means of physical, mental, and spiritual well-being. It is an inseparable part of a healthy conjugal life. Those who know how to use it as a bridge of understanding are the ones who build happy families and healthy societies.
Author: Senior Journalist, Executive Director of a non-government research and development organization and with long-standing professional experience in the field of public health at BRAC University.
